Our friend Brian Potter has written a poignant and beautiful post. He’s seen his wife, doing the little things wives, mothers, and all women do. He’s seen her work go unnoticed and unappreciated, as the daily deeds of women so often do. And he’s been spurred to action. Brian has decided to praise his wife every day for the month of October, and he’s valiantly called upon all men to do the same for the special women in their lives. He’s even penned a cool hashtag for this grand commission: #PraiseHerAtTheCityGates
When he announced his intentions, many of the comments fell in the range of “awww, that’s so sweet” or “how cute.” Certainly well-meaning comments, but they missed the mark. This is more than sweet or cute. It’s desperately needed. It’s a soothing balm on raw and weary hearts. There is nothing quite as soul crushing as toiling away for people you love without the slightest encouragement or validation. I imagine if a mountain had feelings, this is how it would feel as wind, water, and time grind it into dust. Brian’s simple and perfect act of acknowledging the little – and big – things his wife does for others is a breath of life for women in desperate need of a little hope and help.
Here is Brian’s post, re-blogged here with his permission:
So…
My wife is amazing. She truly is. I know everyone says that…well, actually not everyone says that. And that is sad.But here is the thing:
My wife does not always feel like she is amazing. Actually, more times than not, I think she probably feels quite the opposite. Though feelings are not reality – being the extremely (and wonderfully) integrated creature that she is, that fact doesn’t really matter at the times it really needs to.
There are a myriad of reasons why she (and just about every other woman in the world) feels this way about herself. Not the least of which is: that our society has trained women, in one way or another, to be at least self-deprecating (if not self-hating) almost from birth. I’ve seen this as a man, a husband, a father, a teacher, and a photographer. Now, I would like to think that my words or deeds would not contribute to this state, but I know at times I have failed my wife as a husband and partner…
…but where I have failed the most is not in bringing her down, but not…
INTENTIONALLY LIFTING HER UP!
So that’s what I’ve decided to do.
(and I want to invite you to do the same for the women in your life)
My wife does so many things that no one ever sees – and she does them all so well. And I’m sure she does amazing things daily that go unnoticed even by me… but I want to fix that. I want to seek and find those things and bring them to light. Instead of finding ways she could do better, I was to find the amazing things she already does so well and praise her for that. To show her the mountain of things she does right every day, in hopes of making a molehill of her shortcomings.
So how am I am going to do that, you may ask? I am going to:
Now what does that mean? In an epilogue at the end of the last chapter of the most famous book for wisdom of all time, there is a poem about an amazing woman. (You can read about her here.) This famous poem is often used a model for women to aspire to… but at the end of the passage is a command that is often overlooked:
(which is where it says her husband spends his days… and incidentally, where everyone must pass by eventually on their way too and fro)
So that is my job, and that is what I’m going to do. I’m not sure I can pull it off in an acrostic poem like Solomon did, but… maybe I’ll try that, too. I want to invite you to join alongside me for this adventure. I’m not calling it a challenge on purpose. Because, it shouldn’t be a challenge to find 31 things about your wife, girlfriend, sister, mother, etc. that are amazing and praise her for them.
For the next month, every day I am going to #PraiseHerAtTheCityGates. Though it’s admittedly not a perfect parallel, I’m going to use the internet and social media at my “City Gates”. I’ll be using Facebook primarily – but I want to invite you use to facebook, twitter, your blog, or whatever medium you use most. Everyday this month, post something amazing about the woman/women in your life, and use the hashtag #PraiseHerAtTheCityGates .
(Oh yeah, and don’t forget to look her in the eyes and tell her those things, too…)
Let’s go on this adventure together, and invite others to join with us along the way. Let’s see where this adventure takes us. Let’s see what can happen in a world where the men intentionally lift up the women. Where we help them to feel more, not less. Where we praise them and honor them – not demean, objectivity, ignore, or belittle them. And not just for the petty things that so often weigh them down, but for the things that really matter…
For their hearts of compassion and thankless service,
For the hurt and pain they carry diligently on their shoulders for their children, friends and family,
For their attention to details and to others,
For the days, months, and years that their deeds have gone unnoticed and under-appreciated,
For their silent prayers and unspoken hopes,
For all the things that would go undone,
People that would go unknown,
And beauty that would go unnoticed,
For the times we have added, not subtracted, from their plight,
For the insecurities that are unfounded and yet magnified,
For the amazing things they have done,
All they are doing,
And will do,
For all that they truly are,
And for the continuation of the human race…
#PraiseHerAtTheCityGates
Now it’s up to you, gentlemen. Once a day pick one thing you notice about your wife, mother, sister, girlfriend, coworker, friend – whomever you chose to honor. Post your praise on social media and use the hashtag #PraiseHerAtTheCityGates – and of course, be sure to tell her yourself, in person. Mark Twain once said, “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” He had a point. A good compliment, a pat on the back, a spoken word of encouragement and appreciation is fuel for the run-down and worn-out. Breath life and encouragement into weary women and be a positive force in the world.
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